The Quest for Knowledge

[Psychlonic]

PART I: POWER

This goes out to the "big time players" on the forum who do or who desire to achieve in the highest ways possible using the lowest means. Unlike other career pursuits, there is little training. There are no established courses or regulated standards for you to follow. What you learn either be learned from alternate occupations, personal experimentation, or information on the internet utilized in your own pursuits. Allow me to relay what I have learned, what I will come to learn, and what I am struggling to overcome so that you may enhance your personal pursuit of this knowledge.

At one point in time, all of us have or will have the desire to become this "big time player" and we will arm ourselves with the knowledge necessary to accomplish our lofty goals. Most will learn a thing here and there from someone we know in person, but ultimately we will find ourselves on the world wide web - the ultimate conglomeration of information. We will scour the internet, grandest of auditorial forums, looking for the most knowing individuals to learn from. Seek out those who we deem to be superior to ourselves in order to learn.

I am one who has done that exact thing, homing in on individuals I believe to be more intelligent than I am and learn. I seek to become superior to that person and move on to the next individual whom I can learn from. To become the best I can become and use others as a benchmark of my own progress.

The search began when I was 13 and simply wanted to create an explosion the likes of which nobody else I knew could create. With the internet as my tool, I naively searched for a how-to, wanting explicit instructions spoon fed to me. A formula which was guaranteed to work 100% of the time. My answer came to me in the form of the Anarchist Cookbook. The rite of passage most persons of a darker persuasion eventually encounter at some point. I scoured the pages intently, hungry for the power of forbidden knowledge.

I had found it. I had ascended from my peers, knowing that which they did not. I knew of means to create the "tennis ball bomb", the "generic bomb", homemade smoke bombs, and a slew of breaking and entering techniques I had no interest in at the time.

Immediately I began to apply what I had learned. I visited my best friend at the time, who we'll call Onyx, carrying a floppy disk carrying the coveted Anarchist Cookbook. We quickly found we were short on materials, so we planned what I suppose you could call my first planned operation.

Some nights later, we invaded our school and sacked the chemical supply closet, taking just enough to conduct experiments without anybody noticing the chemical missing. We made smoke bombs, the generic bomb, the tennis ball bomb, flash powder, thermite, you name it. Needless to say, we were swiftly disappointed with many of the results. While some of the ideas were obviously sound, many others were not. What went wrong? Did we follow the instructions wrong? We didn't know WHY any of this worked, we just knew that supposedly it did. We took what we had read as absolute truth. Jolly Roger sounded like he knew what he was talking about. He was the first mentor.

The search for knowledge continued. I found now-closed survival sites explaining many improvised techniques and equipment, I found similar cookbooks that I had found, I wrote my findings and my thoughts down almost daily. It came to a point where I finally created a folder named simply "Library" to store my files into.

It was around this time I came upon a section of a website called "Ka-Fucking-BOOM!" I hadn't paid much attention to the URL, but I noted the files seemed informative. I copied the contents into text files and saved them to my library where I could test the ideas at a later time. While I did so, I noticed the constant Hot Topics off to the right, describing more improvised devices.

I clicked into one, remembering it was improvised about knuckle dusters. Inside was a conversation about how to construct and use these things! A debate about potentially illegal weapons on a forum??? For me, it was a first. I looked around more and more, lurked, wanting more information and searching for my next mentor. I applied more and more what I learned, finding that some things worked, some things didn't. I practiced, I innovated, I stole into the night to further continue my experiments. The power of forbidden knowledge was addicting, I had to have it.

Finally, I signed onto the forum which I had lurked on for so long. The website's name was &TOTSE. I had more questions to ask, knowledge to share with those confused as I was by things that did not work. I finally came across a topic that caught my interest more than anything: "nighttime ops (new guy)" - the original topic that is responsible for you reading this. Infrared was the new benchmark. I had to meet the standard.

As my search for knowledge continued, I practiced what I had already learned. I vigorously studied firearm sheets, how to make ammunition, how to synthesize simple explosives, basic combat tactics, it was amazing! I sharpened up my ability to sneak about, something I've done in one form or another for my entire life. Slowly, I began to see how my skills could correlate with each other. For the first time, I was truly beginning to believe myself better than those around me. I had power in knowledge which they did not.
I observed Infrared's posts and offered my own. In my mind, I began to innovate, think different. I didn't think Infrared was pushing it enough, it wasn't extreme. Staleness began to set in, and I was becoming bored with my new mentor. A new one would have to be found!

I found one finally. Seemingly legit, had his ideas together, had no boundaries, and had facts to back up his concepts. He was NBK2000, and his forum, along with Megalomania's was RogueSci. Was this finally the pantheon of knowledge from which I would never have to look for another again?

The FTP hosted valuable knowledge which I added to my ever-expanding library. I browsed the forums religiously, looking for the "edge" to use which would overcome anyone in my way in whatever pursuit I took. Perfect became my idea, I wanted to become so knowledgeable as to be potentially unstoppable. I was proud, and I never asked any of them anything. Instead, I sought answers myself in my library. One day I would look back on these people as ants.

RogueSci became my main area of learning, along with other minor libraries which I had found on the internet. These I would drain of all valuable texts and abandon them, like a parasite. I leeched the power and left, searching for more. The studying continued while night ops became my primary hobby, a training - perhaps proving - grounds of sorts. An arena to test all of my skills. I began to merge my skills and activities - camping was done discretely, demolitions were practiced remotely and in tandem with war games and survival simulations.

It was a no-brainer to enter the Army, a place where I could learn what no forum could teach me. Classified secrets and innovative tactics that would allow me to finally feel as though I had done what I expected of myself all along - to become better than anyone. Although I had entered wanting to get into special forces, I ended up settling for EOD as no slots were open for special forces trials and MEPS refused someone with my ASVAP score to enter the infantry meat grinder. I should have walked away then and there, but I took a chance with EOD, hoping to learn the absolute finest explosive secrets on the planet.

[Psychlonic]

PART II: WISDOM

During my time in the Army, I indeed learned many things. I felt like a human weapon at this point. This is where I belonged. However, I quickly learned how different I was from all these people. For them it was just a job. For me, it was a passion. I wanted the enter the ultimate proving ground, war, to execute all that I had learned.
Before long I finally became disenchanted. By the end I wasn't learning anything BUT explosives. I was going to degrade at this rate. I wanted to try out for something, ANYTHING, to be on the front lines. No dice, the Army needed EOD soldiers.

No. This was my life and this isn't how I was going to live it. There was a lot I could do in the 8 years they'd keep me around and I wasn't going to spend it wasting time. I had the know-how. I could defy the Army itself and they could never find me. Time to put everything I had learned about evasion and ID fraud to the test.

During transfer to my second phase of AIT I skipped a plane and instead took a bus from east coast to west, where I'd go back home and prepare myself to leave my current life behind forever. The next bus out was the next morning, so I found a chunk of property next to a shopping mall that was undeveloped, bought some food at a nearby dollar store, and slept under the stars.

The next morning I rang a cab, got to the station and started towards home. This part becomes a long story and wanders from the purpose of the article, so let's skip to the end. I decided the path of least resistance isn't using a false identity I had, but rather just finding a way to get discharged from the military immediately. I found a method alright, and 3 months, two more coast-to-coast bus trips later, I was free to pursue my own life and knowledge my own way.

I was different when I got out though. I had learned so much and refined what I had learned that I could no longer find mentors. I would read their posts with scrutiny, noticing falseness and assumption. While I was by no means perfect, I knew that I was beyond my former instructors who had no clue they were teaching me.

In my time, I have wandered from mentor to mentor - rival to rival - and I had learned much. But just recently have I learned the most valuable lesson of all. These people, they knew much. They had so much potential, they could have been "big players" and yet... they failed. I realized why they failed and why I would fail if I did not change my own ways.

http://www.sacbee.com/ourregion/story/1897371.html

Art Carnes, better known as NBK2000. Famous in his own sort of way, inspiration to many. Once a hero of mine, I was bewildered when I heard he had died. Later, I found it was a ruse, he was on the run from the police. But he was caught. He failed to use his own sound philosophies. And as for techniques? Fraudulent. With knowledge I've come to realize that many of his techniques are unsound and dangerous, perfect ways to get caught. He will be remembered as a great teacher with innovative ideas by blind followers who will never actually attempt to apply them and thus realize they were false, that they're on the path to failure themselves. He was never any less kewl than those he tried to belittle. "Imitate, not innovate" indeed. Good riddance. Same can be said for Megalomania, who parroted old chemical texts from the 40s which were dangerous and inaccurate.



Infrared

I don't have a log of his posts, but Infrared is a victim of sorts to drugs and the call of society. An operative who once dared greatly and inspired us all, what he's up to now is up for debate but all signs point toward nothing worth writing home about. A pity, for one who once advocated maintaining etiquette and living life to it's fullest. Another great person who did not follow his own philosophies. Risk, for those of you who remember him, was another guy heavy into drugs.



The Jolly Roger

Don't know, don't care. Was a BBS kewl, perhaps the biggest of them all.



My mentors, my greats, have failed at life quite literally. Not because of the lack of ambition, of the lack of attempts at gaining knowledge, but because they became complacent, dull, and failed to adhere to their most basic philosophies.

There was once a time when I realize I was that mentor to many, when the night ops scene was comprised heavily of impressionable mid-teen guys looking for thrills and loot. I used to be arrogant enough to think myself above everyone, that nobody was like me. I still carry a level of arrogance, based on the confidence of my own skills, but it's much different. I've learned to not overcome others, but overcome myself. That everyone has something to teach, as I still have much to learn. For those of you who once thought of me as great, I am no different than you. I struggle to achieve goals, I study to learn more, I try until I overcome, and sometimes I run into walls - both figuratively and literally on a bad night's operation.

I am writing this to impress upon you the importance of avoiding "idolizing" others who you see as above yourself. If you seek to learn, then learn from whoever you can. Do not take after anyone else, however. Avoid emulating. One day, you might find yourself looking back upon them in one way or another and realizing how foolish you once were.
Most importantly, if you're looking to make it big - in ANYTHING - ALWAYS follow your philosophies and keep your guard up. Practice what you preach. If you've learned something, for goodness sake man, do it! Don't learn a great way to accomplish something only to not actually do it when it comes time to execute. Look at NBK - the guy thought he knew everything about murder and read that article. Look at his physique. Are you kidding me? All that studying and that's the best he could do? Don't be the next example.
How do you know I'm not the same? You don't. You shouldn't think that I'm any different. Take everything with a grain of salt and keep your guard up. Always. Knowing and doing are two totally different things. Of this, I am certain.

[stealththief]

I used to idolize my heroes but I realized they're not all perfect or even as focused on what I'm interested in as I usually felt they would be. Now I've realized that they aren't perfect but there are aspects of them that are better than those I have so I feel I look up to my heroes because of this or that aspect of them and not necessarily their whole person.

[darktorn]

Wow, that was a great read, very interesting. I didn't realise you'd been through so much, well done for keeping yourself on track. I can barely keep myself motivated these days but hopefully thats about to change.

[Psychlonic]

Thanks. I guess the condensed version of this whole story is this:

The internet is full of wonderful ideas, but many are unrefined ideas coming from people who've never actually tried them. Just because a person sounds like they know something, doesn't necessarily mean they actually do. There is no "go-to" method for most matters, the only true way to master something is to understand it at the most basic level.

I sometimes come across as an asshole when I read an idea that sucks, but having believed in bullshit like that before, it pisses me off to no end. It's a waste of everyone's time and it's potentially dangerous. The writer is essentially putting people at risk who don't know any better just to stroke his own ego. It's easy to say "Well maybe the reader should learn better..." but they don't! I sure as hell didn't. How could you know? It's not like most of this stuff has a simple reference we can all check to ensure ideas are valid.
You have to know WHY it works. All too often, through all the bullshit, here's the real reason most people offer: "I'm more respected in this community than you, so what I say goes don't question it!" Not good enough.

Another thing that gets me is "Why do that when you can do this?" The answer is simple to anyone who's been there - sometimes "this" isn't possible and you need a "that" to compensate. Many times there is indeed a singular best option, but never give up the chance to learn a new way.


So I don't know. Right now the internet is rife with asshole "gurus" who present their status as proof of validity, and "tried and true" methods that aren't actually true at all but are so commonplace that arguing they're wrong will get you laughed at.